Sunday, 13 July 2014

The taboo of gender disappointment

While doing a bit of online reading I came across this article in the problem page on the Guardian site. 
The title drew me in I've got two little boys and feel jealous of friends with baby girls. Of course I am a mum of 2 little boys and I have posted about gender disappointment in the past. It is a very real thing and people can be judgemental and dissmissive of it, making it almost taboo to admit it as some of the comments on that page show. 

When I was pregnant with Alex and we found out he was a boy, I did cry. Of course my main priority was that he was healthy and growing how he should but I would have loved to have a girl, my pregnancy had been very different to my first and I did think I was having a girl as did many people around me. That combined with those pesky pregnancy hormones left me teary and feeling terribly guilty. Of course once it had sunk in I was happy and excited. 

I have read so many times that you should be grateful for having a baby, that many couples are desperate for a baby and that it's selfish. I think we all know this that is why women(and men) feel so guilty over their feelings but the thing is feelings aren't rational, they don't work like that. It doesn't mean you aren't grateful or that you love your baby any less. In fact people who struggle to have children can have the exact same feelings when they do concieve and couples looking to adopt do sometimes have gender preferences. 

It seems from what I have read that the preference here is often for a girl. I'm not sure why. Do we all have visions of little fairy princesses dressed in pink and making daisy chains? Or is it the idea of having the mother/daughter bond? For me it is probably a bit of both, while I know that this is a stereotypical view which I hate(my boys are raised to like what ever they want to like and I can't see myself treating a girl any differently and I hate the trend for all toys coming in a pink version for girls). I do wonder if raising a girl would be different to a boy and if we would have a different bond especially in adulthood.

Interestingly my feelings have actually altered and although I still joke about trying for a girl; if and when we are blessed with another baby I would actually quite like a third boy to join our clan,(though I would of course be over the moon either way). 

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