Recently my husband had a vasectomy. I have written in the past about Barney being our last baby. Due to me having three cesareans and having severe internal scarring it wouldn't be safe for me to carry another child. As well as that my last birth experience was pretty frightening and I don't think I could do it again. In fact just the idea of having any medical procedure makes me more than a little anxious.
In January Phil went and had the procedure done at a clinic in Leeds. The procedure was quick and recovery time was minimal. You can read more about it in Phils upcoming guest post for me. I wanted to share my feelings around his vasectomy on here because they are very mixed.
I am sad. Sad that there will be no more babies. Of course we knew this before he had the procedure but once it is done it feels so very final. I cried when he went for the procedure and have cried again since. It is a big deal saying goodbye to the baby making days. We are still relatively young and many people our age are just starting their families so it feels strange that we are done.
I feel guilty. Guilty that I am the reason that we won't be having more children. Guilty that Phil is the one who went and had the procedure. The reason for that is my worry about having anything else done to my body right now. Phil wanted to take the burden away from me.
I feel worried. What if something happens to me or our relationship. None of us can see into the future and what if one day Phil decides that he wants another child? Vasectomies are reversible but the success rate is low. I worry that he will regret his decision although he assures me he won't.
I feel relief. Relief that we now have a permanent form of contraception. I don't have to worry about becoming pregnant anymore. I don't have to worry about taking the pill or having an injection, putting hormones into my body.
On top of all that, I also feel excited about the future. Barney turns one this month and is edging towards becoming a toddler. The last seven years of my life have been about pregnancy and babies. While I have enjoyed this stage of my children our baby days will be behind us and it is exciting to move on to a new chapter. The boys are growing up and we have different challenges ahead.
So my husband had a vasectomy and my feelings are all over the place but I am thinking positive. It is time to start the next stage of our lives.